# @breyeschow on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/CqZVQ_4ojvQ
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/18916925-breyeschow-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/thumbnails/80065c5410.jpg
- **Posted:** 2023-03-30T02:10:56.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Bruce Reyes-Chow (@breyeschow) — https://gondola.cc/breyeschow

## Caption

#WeeklyWord — muck

This week has been a tough one. The school shooting in Nashville, combined with the hateful, anti-trans rhetoric that followed, has been exhausting. I managed to offer what I could, but have found myself most of the day after welcoming any all holy distractions while giving myself permission to embrace the muck that I was feeling in my soul.

I felt the tug back to thinking I should power through or produce more content (It is not lost on me that the thing you are reading is created content.), but I resisted as best I could and allowed myself to be in whatever head and heart space that I needed to be. There were a few moments when I thought about the families who have lost loved ones in such a horrific manner. At other moments I wept for the trans folks that I know and love who were, again and again, being told that they were not worthy of dignity and love. But for most of the day, I felt like I was moving through a cultural muckiness.

I will not be here forever, but since our society "moves on" so quickly, today, I gave and accepted permission to wallow in the muck for as long as I need.

muck

Some days I can't move.
my mind, my spirit, and my body
are all straining to move through the muck of
despair, sadness, and the unknown.

Choruses ring around me: "It will be okay."
"It was meant to be." "Move on already."

But the muck holds on with ferocity.
The more I pull away, the tighter its grip becomes.
Until I stop fighting it and allow myself to
be held by it, cleansed by it, and healed by it.

Hope beckons me from the muck.
I will take hold of the hand that will pull me out,
but just not today, not quite yet. 
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Thanks to #Patreon supporters who underwrite my time. Feel free to share, repost, tweet, and use as you feel moved, and tag @breyeschow on the socials.

#weeklyword #god  #faith #christianity #christian #hope #love #joy #peace #justice #empathy #pray #prayer #praying #grief #loss #despair #healing #sorrow
5d

## Stats

- **Views:** 0
- **Likes:** 80
- **Shares:** 0
- **Comments:** 9

## Credits

| Name | Username | Profile | Role |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Bruce Reyes-Chow | @breyeschow | https://gondola.cc/breyeschow | Writer/Author |

## Tags

praying, grief, empathy, peace, sorrow, god, joy, hope, loss, christian, love, weeklyword, pray, prayer, christianity, justice, faith, healing, patreon, despair

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