# @nikkihiltz on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/C9GOT8Xy5oV
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/20338966-nikkihiltz-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/thumbnails/c910a85d05.jpg
- **Posted:** 2024-07-06T22:01:01.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Nikki Hiltz (@nikkihiltz) — https://gondola.cc/nikkihiltz

## Caption

In 2021 I stood on the start line of the Olympic Trials 1500 final and said to myself “maybe it’s just easier for everyone if I don’t make this Olympic Team”. Three months earlier I had come out as trans nonbinary and started using they/them pronouns. 

I felt exhausted from explaining what nonbinary meant to the track and field community over and over again. Headlines would read “trans runner Nikki Hiltz..” and automatically I was assumed either someone assigned male at birth or a trans man who was taking testosterone. I was called a cheater, a mediocre man, a fraud. I felt so misunderstood and like everyone in the sport was tripping over their words when talking to me or about me. I wondered if the NBC staff hated calling the races I was in because it was a burden for them to remember my pronouns. I all of a sudden felt like I didn’t belong in this sport anymore. It was all too much and I could feel my dream of becoming an Olympian slip away from me on that starting line. The gun went off and when it got hard, I crumbled and fell off the pace. I finished dead last. 

I’ve spent the past 3 years rebuilding my confidence and reshaping that narrative. Telling myself every single day that I belong. Showing up to meets, taking up space, and making friends with those little voices in my head that consistently tried to convince me I was too confusing, I was a burden or I wasn’t enough. 

Last weekend, I stood on the start line of the Olympic Trials 1500 final and told myself “I can do this, the world will make space for you. Remember to enjoy this race and have fun playing the game of racing, this is your moment.”

The gun went off, it got hard, I didn’t crumble, I didn’t fall off the pace, I held on and 3 minutes and 55 seconds later I broke the finish line tape and became an Olympian. 

[continued in comments]

## Stats

- **Views:** 0
- **Likes:** 35,156
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- **Comments:** 470

## Credits

| Name | Username | Profile | Role |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Nikki Hiltz | @nikkihiltz | https://gondola.cc/nikkihiltz | Athlete |
| Ben Vanderbosch | @bjvcreative | https://gondola.cc/bjvcreative | Photographer |

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