# @saraheffress on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DBG-gJzvEkG
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/24078411-saraheffress-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/thumbnails/db2d3ed607.jpg
- **Posted:** 2024-10-14T15:07:41.000+00:00

## Caption

For five years, my brain was broken. 

I would spiral into months of the lowest lows and then suddenly snap back into the highest of highs, only to feel myself slipping back into depression and repeating the cycle all over again. It was exhausting, and it caused me to push people away, lose relationships, pass down opportunities and probably more. I try not to think about what could have been if I was fully myself for all that time, because I know now it was a result of executive dysfunction and not laziness, worthlessness or any other word I would use to put the blame on myself.

What’s funny is I’m lucky. It takes between six to 10 years on average to receive a proper bipolar diagnoses because only time reveals patterns. Most, like me, are diagnosed with unipolar depression and prescribed SSRIs, which actually exacerbate bipolar symptoms. I was convinced nothing would ever work for me, that this was just how I would feel for the rest of my life—like the floor was more comfortable than my bed, like I couldn’t even do something so small as turn off the light before falling asleep.

But, what I learned this summer is medication can save lives with the right diagnosis and proper help. I started to feel emotions I haven’t felt in years, I cried more in a week than I have in months (and happy tears at that), I started to love music again and see more colors. The dam on my creativity broke and suddenly every bit of motivation or inspiration I thought was gone forever came rushing back.

Looking back on it now, I don’t think I fully realized how bad it was. What I do know is I thought it would never end, but what I’ve learned is that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. So listen to your therapist or your mom or whoever is telling you it’s going to get better that it is. You just need to give it time.

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help among other mental health resources are available online.

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## Credits

| Name | Username | Profile | Role |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Sarah Effress | @saraheffress | https://gondola.cc/saraheffress | Creator |

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