# @thekoreanvegan on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DDasvZMy319
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/25411899-thekoreanvegan-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/thumbnails/813286c23a.jpg
- **Posted:** 2024-12-11T00:00:00.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Joanne L. Molinaro, The Korean Vegan (@thekoreanvegan) — https://gondola.cc/thekoreanvegan

## Caption

In this Week’s Musings, I take a closer look at what I call the “cemetery” of my platonic relationships—those friendships that didn’t make it. I ask myself, “Could I have handled that better?” And by that, I don’t necessarily mean the friendship itself (that we’ll get more into in the following weeks), but the breakup of that friendship. Putting to one side whether you have a legitimate reason to break up with your longtime friend (I have no judgment on that), I do think there’s a “right and wrong way” to handle a breakup.

What I think can be frustrating or even confusing is the notion that so much of what I would consider to be “wrong” behavior is now characterized as “boundary setting.” People can get away with just about anything these days by calling their actions as “healthy boundary setting” or “protecting my mental health.”

But what happens when the boundary setting or other protective measures cause damage to the other person’s mental health? Are we not supposed to think about that at all? Even if we’ve shared a friendship with them for many years (albeit one that you we now want to exit)?

In the case of this post by pinaryoldaas (assuming that what they say is true), I think it’s safe to say that “boundary setting” does not justify the plain old rudeness of the reply. But extrapolate the underlying concept to a grey area (like, for example, the choice to ghost a friend), and you start grappling with some of the thornier questions of ethics and effective relationships building (because how we end one relationship will also impact how we sustain others).

Based upon the comments I received on last week’s post, friendship (and its untimely demise) is a very sensitive subject. Many of us continue to nurse wounds that might have been inflicted on the premise of “boundary setting.” I wonder whether there might be a more compassionate way to handle these things. Yes, it might be harder, but in the end, it preserves the emotional safety of everyone involved.

Comment “story” for the full essay on this topic.

#friendships #friendbreakup #boundarysetting #therapyspeak #mentalhealth

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## Tags

friendbreakup, boundarysetting, therapyspeak, friendships, mentalhealth

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