# @kellmarcel on Instagram

- **Type:** Video
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DBqHn7FxY5z
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/30203140-kellmarcel-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/99d9c1a928.jpg
- **Posted:** 2024-10-28T06:41:31.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Kelly Marcelo | home decor & lifestyle (@kellmarcel) — https://gondola.cc/kellmarcel

## Caption

Except the reality is that you’re working 24/7 to be able to afford the dream, and you’re constantly disassociating, and you’re body still won’t let go of living in survival mode after growing up as an immigrant in the middle of nowhere, USA.

The older I get the more I realize that two things can be true at the same time. I live in my dream apartment and it’s beautiful and lovely, but I feel a deep sadness for the other aspects of my life that I sacrificed to be where I am today.

I constantly get comments saying people wish they could live in my apartment, but the character limit isn’t long enough for me to reply and explain that I sometimes wish I could switch and have their relationship or friendships or social life or a just a brain that doesn’t constantly work against you with a cocktail of mental illnesses that often leave you barely able to get out of bed.

In many ways, I feel like I’m behind (societal expectations are a bitchhh), and as I approach my 30th birthday, a part of me grieves for the experiences I missed out on in my 20s.

I grieve the years I lost to debilitating depression. I grieve for the girl who, as the eldest daughter in an immigrant family, has had to be an adult since she was 16.

I grieve for everything I thought would happen. All of the other dreams I dreamt that were left behind along the way. 

But I constantly have to remind myself of 16 year old me, who literally couldn’t visualize living beyond 25.

And 21 year old me, who spent most weekends crying in agonizing pain.

And 27 year old me, who was brave enough to start over and follow the dream that led us here.

Because I know all those other versions of me would be so insanely happy and proud and relieved that this is our reality. And relieved we kept living long enough to see this day. 

I don’t really have a good conclusion for this because this was just supposed to be a cutesy post with a short cute caption, but once again, adhd oversharing has led us here!😭

I guess this one is for the ones who aren’t afraid to keep dreaming, even when everything seems impossible and everything hurts. I’m rooting for you.🤍

#visionboard #dreamapartment #dreamlife #latinacontentcreator

## Stats

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- **Likes:** 1,296
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- **Comments:** 37

## Tags

visionboard, dreamlife, dreamapartment, latinacontentcreator

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