# @matttolbert on Instagram

- **Type:** Video
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DKOBAcyuoF7
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/31040191-matttolbert-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/f766e8776e.jpg
- **Posted:** 2025-05-29T01:27:07.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Matt Tolbert (@TolbertTweet) — https://gondola.cc/TolbertTweet

## Caption

Let’s talk about something we see in our comments A LOT: “just adopt.” We totally get why people ask, and first off – adoption is an absolutely incredible and beautiful way to build a family. We have SO much respect for everyone who chooses that path, and for all the amazing families created through adoption. Every single journey is unique and totally valid.

1️⃣ COST: Lots of folks assume adoption is the much lower-cost route. But honestly, when we researched private adoption, we found the expenses could get surprisingly high – sometimes very close to what some surrogacy journeys might cost. It wasn’t the straightforward “cheaper option” many imagine.

2️⃣ BIAS: The adoption process, for very good reasons, involves a lot of screening. We were prepared for that, but as a gay couple, we also knew there could be extra layers of scrutiny or potential discrimination from certain agencies or in different places. The thought of having to “prove” ourselves even more, just to become dads, felt like a really heavy emotional hurdle.

3️⃣ HEARTBREAK: With many private adoptions, there’s that incredibly tough period where a birth parent might change their mind, even after a match is made or the baby is born. The possibility of that kind of emotional rollercoaster, after investing so much hope and love, was a really significant risk for us to weigh.

Those were some of the big things we considered when choosing what felt like the clearest, most authentic, and manageable path for our family.

There are so many beautiful ways to make a loving family, and this is just our story. We hope sharing a bit more about our “why” helps bring some understanding to the different experiences out there, especially within LGBTQ+ family building. 

#LGBTQfamily #surrogacyjourney #adoption #familybuilding #dadstobe #modernparenthood #twodads

## Stats

- **Views:** 0
- **Likes:** 2,897
- **Shares:** 0
- **Comments:** 81

## Tags

familybuilding, adoption, twodads, modernparenthood, surrogacyjourney, lgbtqfamily, dadstobe

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