# @matttolbert on Instagram

- **Type:** Video
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DLdToM7OXal
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/31898342-matttolbert-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/c66ddce1a0.jpg
- **Posted:** 2025-06-28T20:30:06.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Matt Tolbert (@TolbertTweet) — https://gondola.cc/TolbertTweet

## Caption

Things I wish I knew 👇

1. Your partnership is your foundation. The journey to parenthood can feel like a second full-time job. Before you start, have explicit conversations with your partner about finances, roles, and how you’ll handle stress. Your bond is the most important asset you have.

2. Build your legal fortress first. The laws for LGBTQ+ families can be a complex patchwork. Find a lawyer who specializes in this before you do anything else. They are not a luxury - they are a necessity to protect your family and your rights as parents.

3. It’s okay to grieve the path not taken. You can be immensely grateful for your journey while also feeling a sense of loss for the traditional path you didn’t get. Acknowledging those complicated feelings is not just okay - it’s necessary.

4. Become your own expert. You will become fluent in a new language of medicine and law. No one will care more or advocate harder for your future family than you will. Embrace the role of researcher-in-chief.

5. Find your “been there, done that” crew. Your existing support system is crucial, but find other queer parents or couples on a similar journey. They will be the only ones who truly understand the unique nuances. They are your late-night “is this normal?” DM group.

6. You get to define “Mom” or “Dad.” You’re not “playing the mom role” or the “dad role.” You are creating your own definition of parenthood. There’s no script. That’s not a limitation - it’s a superpower.

7. The “how” fades away. The moment you hold your child, the years of struggle and the logistical chaos become the prologue to your story. All that matters is the love in the room.

If you’re on this path, know you’re not alone.

#twodads #modernfatherhood #surrogacyjourney #ivf #lgbtqfamily #dadtobe #familybuilding

## Stats

- **Views:** 23,155
- **Likes:** 2,114
- **Shares:** 0
- **Comments:** 18

## Tags

familybuilding, twodads, modernfatherhood, surrogacyjourney, lgbtqfamily, ivf, dadtobe

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