# @toxicmasculinity_co on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/CV_Mjh5Pd2C
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/32112949-toxicmasculinity-co-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/a803fce136.jpg
- **Posted:** 2021-11-07T20:06:37.000+00:00

## Caption

@backcountryninjas is currently riding his bicycle with his dog, Rocky, coast to coast (3,700 miles) to raise money for @wffoundation

👇THIS IS WHY👇

"I’m doing this to raise money for the Wildland Firefighter Foundation and to raise awareness about mental illness.

I worked one season on a Wildland Fire Engine in Montana, two seasons on the Snake River Hotshots and one on a Module in Yosemite National Park. I was forced to take the 2021 season off due to battling a severe panic disorder and mental illness. This was debilitating, I had moments everyday where I thought I was going to die, I was afraid to go to sleep because I thought I wouldn’t wake up, I loved sleeping because it was the only moment I truly forgot the suffering in my own head. I lost all my motivation, self esteem, I felt alone, scared, hopeless and stopped doing everything that I loved doing. I never thought I could overcome it, it was eating me alive everyday. I lost myself through and through, I self medicated with alcohol for months and then I finally reached out for help from medical professionals. Unfortunately, I was just thrown medicine over and over again, which made me worse and worse.
It has been 30 days off medication where I am now doing intensive therapy and feel better than I have ever in my entire life. The struggles I went through and the people I lost along the way, is something I will heal from with time, I believe we need to talk about mental illness more and ask how each other, our brothers and sisters, are actually doing.
It all came crashing down on me so fast and I was stubborn and I was to proud to ask for help, I don’t want this to happen to others.

There was moments I didn’t want to be alive.

This mission on my bike is about helping others who really need it through the Wildland Firefighter Foundation and it’s my journey back to life."

- @backcountryninjas

Donate by heading to @backcountryninjas or link in bio. 

Please like and share this video to help spread the word. 💚🧑‍🚒
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#wff #firefighter #firefighters #firefighterlife #firefighters_unite #wildlandfirefighter #firefighterfamilies #californiawildfires #wildland_firefighters #californiafires

## Stats

- **Views:** 5,786
- **Likes:** 469
- **Shares:** 0
- **Comments:** 11

## Credits

| Name | Username | Profile | Role |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Daniel Fernandez | @DanielFdz64 | https://gondola.cc/DanielFdz64 | Social Media Strategist |

## Tags

firefighterfamilies, firefighters_unite, californiawildfires, wff, firefighterlife, firefighters, wildland_firefighters, californiafires, firefighter, wildlandfirefighter

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