# @veenacrownholm on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DP7Q7laEm88
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/35886769-veenacrownholm-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/8b26fea973.jpg
- **Posted:** 2025-10-17T21:48:45.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Veena Goel Crownholm (@veenacrownholm) — https://gondola.cc/veenacrownholm

## Caption

🕊️ 💔A couple of days ago was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day — and it’s one that always hits hard.

I’ve had two miscarriages. The first one was easier to process because we were trying again and had Max (my rainbow baby after), and I could tell myself, “Okay, next time and there was. this happy bundle of joy I held at the end of that journey that filled my heart with deep deep love 

But this last one — back in January — has been really, really hard. It wasn’t planned and we weren’t trying to have another baby and yet it left a deep gashing wound and longing I just can’t seem get over 10 months later. I keep thinking I’m getting better, and then out of nowhere, I start to cry again.

ryancrownholm gently encouraged me to start Pilates midway through this year — not for fitness, but to help me feel something again and to breathe. I told myself I only had to do 15 minutes of a class each day I signed up for class. Just show up. Most days, I do more but some days I just can’t and that’s ok too… but my rule is always give yourself grace.

Since starting back to Pilates, I’ve done over 200 wundabarpilates classes. My body feels stronger, but my heart still aches and is still broken. I think there will always be a part of me that wishes I was holding that baby girl by now — and maybe that longing will just always live quietly in my heart. I’m not sure that it will ever get better but maybe it does. I try to show up every day and smile through the pain but sometimes it’s those quiet and rare moments of being in the car by yourself when the grief hits, sometimes it’s the shower…and the tears just starting flowing uncontrollably ❤️‍🩹 

To anyone who’s been through a pregnancy loss (1 out of 8 us women have experienced a miscarriage) or going through a hard pregnancy journey, please know you’re not alone. Healing isn’t linear. Be gentle with yourself. I have found that sometimes sharing the pain and grief can be healing too. Hugging you 💔❤️

#pregnancylossawareness #MentalHealthAwareness #PostMiscarriageHealing

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## Tags

mentalhealthawareness, postmiscarriagehealing, pregnancylossawareness

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