# @juleswaller_ on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DUcf-aFk26K
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/59933093-juleswaller-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/718cbcd91f.jpg
- **Posted:** 2026-02-07T05:40:43.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Julie Waller (Jules) | School Refusal Support (@juleswaller_) — https://gondola.cc/juleswaller_

## Caption

School refusal doesn’t usually start with a dramatic “I’m not going.”

From a social work and child mental health lens, it more often begins quietly - with a nervous system that stays in survival mode for too long.

Earlier mornings.
Bigger reactions.
Less tolerance for stress.

Not because a child is choosing defiance - but because prolonged stress keeps the body in fight, flight, or freeze.

When a child’s nervous system is overloaded:
🔸 Reasoning drops offline
🔸 Emotional regulation narrows
🔸 Pressure is experienced as threat, not motivation

This is where so much well-intentioned advice misses the mark.

Consistency only helps after a child has the capacity to cope.
Before that, repeated pressure can unintentionally train the nervous system to brace - escalating anxiety rather than resolving it.

This was our experience too.

One of my children missed over 100 days of school during this phase.

Today, she’s at university - calm, capable, and thriving.

The turning point wasn’t more pressure.
It was safety first - long before the school gate.

If you’re living this, a few grounding reminders worth saving:
🔸 Behaviour often reflects capacity, not character
🔸 Distress accumulates when safety is delayed
🔸 Regulation comes before learning - always

From a social work perspective, progress with school refusal isn’t built at the school gate.

It’s built earlier - through nervous-system safety, predictability, and co-regulation that restores capacity over time.

If this feels familiar, you’re not missing something.
You’re noticing what many people overlook.

Love,

- Jules ❤️

#schoolrefusal #schoolavoidance #schoolcounselor #kidsmentalhealthmatters

## Stats

- **Views:** 0
- **Likes:** 85
- **Shares:** 0
- **Comments:** 7

## Tags

kidsmentalhealthmatters, schoolcounselor, schoolavoidance, schoolrefusal

---
Copyright (c) Gondola