# @juleswaller_ on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DT-cWEyE81O
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/59933262-juleswaller-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/8bc5ae5617.jpg
- **Posted:** 2026-01-26T13:31:47.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Julie Waller (Jules) | School Refusal Support (@juleswaller_) — https://gondola.cc/juleswaller_

## Caption

The hardest part of school refusal isn’t just getting them to school.
It’s the mental load you carry all day … every. single. day.

The hyper-vigilance.
The second-guessing.
The way your own nervous system stays stuck in “on alert” mode.

From a social-work and trauma-informed perspective, this makes sense.

When a child is living in chronic anxiety, parents often enter a state of co-regulation on high alert - constantly scanning for danger, managing distress, advocating, explaining, apologising, rearranging life around survival.

This isn’t over-attachment.
It’s not “being too soft.”
It’s what happens when a caregiver is supporting a child whose nervous system no longer feels safe.

Research consistently shows that pressure and punishment don’t calm anxiety-driven school refusal.

What helps instead is safety, predictability, and an adult nervous system that can stay regulated enough to hold the child’s distress - even when everything feels uncertain.

That’s also the part no one warns parents about:
🔸You carry the guilt.
🔸You carry the doubt.
🔸You carry the invisible labour - often alone.

This is personal for me.
My daughter once missed over 100 days of school - in a single year -  due to severe school refusal.

We lived the early-morning panic, the phone calls, the judgement, the endless self-questioning.

What changed things wasn’t pushing harder.
It was learning how to work with her nervous system - and mine - instead of against them.

Today, she’s thriving at university.

And I’m here because I know how lonely this road can feel when you’re on it.

If this carousel felt familiar, you’re not failing.

You’re responding to real distress with care - even when it costs you more than anyone sees.

🧚‍♀️ Follow for calm, nervous-system-informed support for school refusal and school anxiety - from a (university mental health trained) mum who’s lived this - and come out the other side.

- Jules ❤️

#schoolrefusal #schoolanxiety #teenanxiety #kidsanxiety

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## Tags

schoolrefusal, schoolanxiety, kidsanxiety, teenanxiety

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