# @adrimoench on Instagram

- **Type:** Video
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/C9kqbowPwIK
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/63487332-adrimoench-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/0b366f5b2d.jpg
- **Posted:** 2024-07-18T17:44:44.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Trauma Informed Coach / Expanded States (@adrimoench) — https://gondola.cc/adrimoench

## Caption

For the longest time I believed that if I just tried hard enough I could do better. Now I’m settling into accepting that maybe there are just some things I’m not meant to do. What does it even mean to fly? 

I do a lot of things well, excellent actually. To the point of burnout. I don’t know how to manage excellence with pacing. I can’t afford basic living expenses some times. It feels as if the ramp towards living financially independently after decades of financial abuse is getting farther away from me. Debt I’m carrying many years post divorce, interest rates exorbitant, some days I feel like I’m a drowning bird. Maybe the debt is the emotional heaviness of feeing like I have failed over and over as a human. 

Today I just want to sit on a perch and rest. I don’t want to fly any more. At 42, my body is aching and my feet blistered and sore. My hips sore, and my lower back heavy. The weight of my chest is pulling my shoulders in. I see hopelessness for the future of women, political systems r*ping constituents and stripping human rights from the most marginalized. It’s hard to know how to help when I can’t even place how to help myself some days. 

Maybe that invisible cage is slowly corroding away for me to walk myself out of.  Maybe I’m not a bird with clipped wings. 

Maybe I’m a snake shedding an old skin, transmuting pain into the warm earth to absorb. Maybe walking is not how I’ll escape the cage, maybe it is just sliding its way out into the world. Maybe I just need to rest in the shade for awhile, under a rock metaphorically preserving energy for whatever comes next. 

Snakes are weightless as they glide on the waters surface. Maybe it’s not flying I’m seeking, maybe it’s the need to release the weight that I’ve been carrying along with the burdens of expectation and projection. 

Maybe flying isn’t about being airbound but instead figuring out how to release the tethered weights to create more efficient weightlessness in becoming. 

#dharma #awakening #cptsd #asd #ocd #traumarecovery #newbeginnings #divorcerecovery #si #holistichealing #dv

## Stats

- **Views:** 298
- **Likes:** 33
- **Shares:** 0
- **Comments:** 1

## Tags

ocd, asd, dv, awakening, traumarecovery, si, divorcerecovery, holistichealing, dharma, newbeginnings, cptsd

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