# @adrimoench on Instagram

- **Type:** Video
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/C8JTZkgRqJo
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/63487342-adrimoench-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/83b656be1f.jpg
- **Posted:** 2024-06-13T06:12:22.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Trauma Informed Coach / Expanded States (@adrimoench) — https://gondola.cc/adrimoench

## Caption

As a child I was taught by organized religion that the reason I came to this earth was to multiply and replenish the earth as a mother. My Mormon patriarchal blessing told me this was my one true calling in life if I was righteous and worthy.

As a teenager I scrupulously followed this plan (man) “God” set out for me. If I could check all these boxes I would then be free to be me. 

At 22 I became a mother and my heart flatlined in delivery. I almost died in childbirth. My son seven weeks early - I immediately felt as if I had failed in my body’s inability to carry him full term. No doctor asked me about my home life or the abuse I was experiencing that I now know contributed to premature labor. 

At 26 he was diagnosed with type one diabetes, I had given birth to a second and was pregnant with my third. 

The social construct’s of motherhood was endless sacrifice, submissiveness, and servitude to raise these children. I followed the plan the best I could. I wasn’t allowed to ask for help, if I sought it was perceived as weak and I was berated for it. Silence was the only way to survive. 

The more I took on in order to fulfill my “divine calling” the less I felt qualified to be a mother. Empty inside I knew this way of mothering was not how I was meant to mother. Endlessly sleep deprived while raising my children alone, SI was ever present, not because I didn’t love my children but because the weight of the  perceptions of motherhood in DV was out of alignment & not natural to me as a mother. 

However my own struggle with SI and depression, anxiety and abuse throughout my marriage and divorce led to the continual degradation of my soul through the family court system. 

I live now to give matter and substance to motherhood on my own terms. I may not be a conventional traditional mother but I am no less a mother because of this.

To all the mothers who have unconventional mothering paths due to DV, I see you. Your motherhood matters, and the matter of life comes from your motherhood. 

#newancestors #dharma #iamlove #imatter #iammother #motherhood #motherhoodunplugged #ancestralhealing #alchemy #traumarecovery #divorce #cptsdrecovery #dvsurvivor #ci

## Stats

- **Views:** 1,288
- **Likes:** 55
- **Shares:** 0
- **Comments:** 0

## Tags

iamlove, dvsurvivor, cptsdrecovery, alchemy, iammother, ancestralhealing, traumarecovery, newancestors, motherhood, dharma, divorce, imatter, ci, motherhoodunplugged

---
Copyright (c) Gondola