# @juleswaller_ on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DZ1Q88Ck5A9
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/66971985-juleswaller-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/cd9df21e7f.jpg
- **Posted:** 2026-06-21T03:07:26.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Julie Waller (Jules) | School Refusal Support (@juleswaller_) — https://gondola.cc/juleswaller_

## Caption

I’m trained in mental health. And I still spent years being told the same thing every parent gets told: 
Help her challenge the anxious thoughts. 
Reason with her. 
Get her to see school isn’t actually dangerous.

We tried. 
Endlessly. 
And it never touched the thing that was actually happening.

Here’s what finally made sense of it. The thoughts were never the cause - they were the smoke, not the fire. 

Underneath them was a body that had already decided she wasn’t safe, before she’d thought a single conscious word. 

You can talk to the thoughts all day. 
The alarm underneath doesn’t speak that language.

And this is the part that matters: most psychologists are trained almost entirely in the thinking side - challenge the thought, change the behaviour. 

The body’s alarm system barely gets a mention in standard training anywhere. 

That’s not them failing. They’re doing exactly what their training built them to do - it just starts in the wrong place. 

Cognitive work can help a child cope. 
But it can’t reach the alarm driving the whole thing.

Dr Russell Kennedy - a physician and neuroscientist - spent decades on this and lands in the same spot: the alarm fires first, in the body. 

The worried thoughts come second. 
So you settle the body first. 
Then - and only then - the thinking clears.

Body first. 
Then thoughts. 
It’s the order almost everything gets backwards.

We went from 100+ missed days in one year alone (I’d hate to count how many over years of absences) - to graduating high school with entry into her first choice university.

She is happy.
She is thriving.

If you want to learn how to do that with your child, comment TOOLKIT and I’ll send you where to start. 

Jules ♥️

#schoolrefusal #schoolanxiety #teenmentalhealth #kidsmentalhealth #childrensmentalhealth

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## Tags

schoolrefusal, schoolanxiety, teenmentalhealth, childrensmentalhealth, kidsmentalhealth

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