# @juleswaller_ on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DbaI-9SE62N
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/68602672-juleswaller-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/dc45146fb9.jpg
- **Posted:** 2026-07-30T07:21:05.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Julie Waller (Jules) | School Refusal Support (@juleswaller_) — https://gondola.cc/juleswaller_

## Caption

The advice that’s everywhere - and the piece it quietly skips.

Stay calm. 
Validate the feeling. 
Show confidence they can handle it. 

I did all of it, faithfully, for a long time. 

It’s genuinely good advice - it just wasn’t reaching her, and for a long time I thought that meant I was doing it wrong, or her, for not responding to it the way it was supposed to work.

Neither was true. 

It wasn’t until I understood the difference between ordinary nerves and a nervous system in real alarm that it made sense. 

The typical advice assumes a child whose nervous system can hear reassurance. 

Hers couldn’t yet - not because she was broken, and not because I was failing her, but because her body was somewhere reassurance can’t reach.

Once I understood that gap, everything I tried afterward actually had a chance to land.

She missed over 100 days of school in one school year alone. She’s graduated with entry into her first-choice university.

If you’ve done everything “right” and it still hasn’t worked - that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you or your child. 

You might just be missing the steps that comes first.

With care,

- Jules ❤️

#schoolrefusal #schoolanxiety #schoolcounselor #schoolstress #teenmentalhealth

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## Tags

schoolrefusal, schoolanxiety, schoolstress, schoolcounselor, teenmentalhealth

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