# @juleswaller_ on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DbpV2O4Ewfb
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/68853908-juleswaller-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/d9469da655.jpg
- **Posted:** 2026-08-05T05:02:06.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Julie Waller (Jules) | School Refusal Support (@juleswaller_) — https://gondola.cc/juleswaller_

## Caption

For years, I genuinely believed I just needed to hold the line.

Every professional we saw told us some version of the same thing:

“Don’t let her avoid.”
“Avoidance makes anxiety worse.”
“Exposure is the treatment.”

So I pushed.

Not because I was harsh.
Because I loved my daughter and believed I was doing the right thing.

But one day she couldn’t make herself go to class.

So she hid in a school bathroom.

Alone.
Crying.
For hours.

She didn’t call me because she thought she already knew what my answer would be. 

That moment changed everything.

Not because I stopped believing in courage.

And not because I suddenly believed children should avoid everything that scares them.

But because I realised I’d been asking the wrong question.

I was asking,
“How do I get her through the school gate?”

Instead of,
“What is her nervous system trying to tell me?”

That shift changed everything.
We stopped treating every difficult morning as a battle to win.
We focused on rebuilding safety, trust and capacity first.

Progress wasn’t immediate.
There were setbacks. And days I wondered if we’d ever get our daughter back.

But slowly, things began to change.

Today she’s studying at her first-choice university, & building a life we once believed was impossible.

The more I’ve researched since then, the more I’ve realised our experience wasn’t unique.

School refusal is not simply anxiety in every child.

It’s a complex presentation with many possible drivers, which is one reason treatments such as CBT and exposure have shown much more mixed results for school refusal than many parents realise.

That doesn’t mean exposure never helps.
It means understanding what you’re treating matters.

That’s why I share these stories.

Not because I think parents should stop helping children face fear.
But because I wish someone had helped me recognise the difference between a child who is anxious … & a child whose nervous system is already in survival mode.

If you’re living this right now, I want you to know there is hope.

I’ve stood where you’re standing.
And recovery is possible.

With love,

- Jules ❤️

#schoolrefusal #schoolanxiety #schoolsucks #teenmentalhealth #kidsmentalhealth

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## Tags

schoolrefusal, schoolanxiety, teenmentalhealth, schoolsucks, kidsmentalhealth

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