# @drlauraberman on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DcAC6DNk0z2
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/69268776-drlauraberman-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/39c9118d89.jpg
- **Posted:** 2026-08-14T00:39:08.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Laura Berman (@drlauraberman) — https://gondola.cc/drlauraberman

## Caption

Do you ever feel like you keep having the same fight with your partner 100 different ways?

The subject changes. Money. Sex. The kids. Chores. Your mother-in-law. Who said what. Who didn’t do what.

But somehow, the fight always ends up feeling strangely familiar.

After more than 30 years of working with couples, I’ve learned that what couples are fighting about is often less important than the roles they fall into once the conflict begins.

Psychologist Stephen Karpman called this pattern the Drama Triangle, and once you see it, it can be very hard to unsee.

There are three roles: The Victim. The Villain. The Hero.

And here’s what makes it so powerful: you can switch roles in the middle of the same argument without even realizing it.

You can start out feeling hurt, become convinced your partner is the problem, and five minutes later find yourself trying to fix everything.

Meanwhile, your partner is moving around the triangle too.

That’s how two people who love each other can keep recreating the same painful dynamic over and over again.

But recognizing the pattern gives you something incredibly valuable: A place to interrupt it.

You don’t have to wait for your partner to change first. When you learn to recognize the role you’re stepping into and respond differently, the whole dynamic can begin to shift.

In this week’s Substack, I break down the Drama Triangle, how to recognize your role, why these roles keep reinforcing each other, and the practical ways you can step off the triangle and start creating a healthier pattern between you.

Read the full piece on my Substack. Link in bio 🔗

If you’re tired of having the same fight and getting the same painful result, this may help you finally understand what’s keeping you stuck and what you can do differently.

#relationshipadvice #couples #healthyrelationships #drlauraberman

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## Tags

healthyrelationships, relationshipadvice, drlauraberman, couples

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