# @theonion on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/DdmppxtjZ4T
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/70696791-theonion-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/647e5eb519.jpg
- **Posted:** 2026-09-22T21:00:19.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** The Onion (@theonion) — https://gondola.cc/theonion

## Caption

Local beaver Dennis Messner is spending an inordinate amount of time and effort in the planning and construction phases of building his dam, according to neighbors close to the project.

In the past four months, Messner, 4, has visited hundreds of other dams and drawn up detailed and extensive blueprints. He has researched topics ranging from advanced dome acoustics to the near-extinction of the North American beaver in the early 20th century, and plans to incorporate much of his research into his design.

“There are two primary schools of thought on dam building: the instinctive school and the adaptive school,” Messner said, studying the river’s current. “I’m more of an integration-minded postmodernist. I don’t believe that form should follow function, like most of my colleagues do. On the other hand, a dam is a celebration of beaver culture, and that is what it should reflect.”

“It’s a lot to think about,” Messner continued.

Despite time constraints dictated by the changing seasons, Messner has spent nearly 400 beaver-hours stripping logs of their bark and foliage, and more than two weeks scouting locations up and down the Muskoka River. “I just want everything to be perfect,” he said.

Longtime friend and fellow Beaver Lodge No. 913 brother Tim McManus, who is nearing completion of his own dam, took a more pragmatic approach to construction. “Work-work-work. Gnaw-gnaw-gnaw. Build-build-build. Must hurry,” he said.

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## Credits

| Name | Username | Profile | Role |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| The Onion | @theonion | https://gondola.cc/theonion | Media Company |

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