# @annalysejacobs on Instagram

- **Type:** Image
- **Original URL:** https://www.instagram.com/p/CL_LIaNnLO7
- **Gondola URL:** https://gondola.cc/posts/76273503-annalysejacobs-instagram
- **Thumbnail:** https://img.gondola.cc/tr:w-,h-,fo-auto/postThumbnails/10347d7504.jpg
- **Posted:** 2021-03-04T06:40:14.000+00:00
- **Account Owner:** Anna Jacobs, The Colour Doctor (@annalysejacobs) — https://gondola.cc/annalysejacobs

## Caption

Morning everyone!! So for World Book Day, I want to tell you about The Snow Leopard by Peter Matthiessen, which had the most extraordinary and profound effect on my life. 

But first of all, how incredible is this almost life size snow leopard sculpture in Coco’s room, made out of kitchen recycling trash, by my super talented friend Imogen artsagainstabuse! She’s amazing, so do check her out. 

Anyway, back to the book. I read it when I was 23 and everything in my life was perfect - I had a truly wonderful new boyfriend, who also happened to be rich and famous (lots of fun!), had just got my dream job in a theatre company, my girl band was on the rise and I had lots of fantastic friends. But I kept bursting into tears and feeling really disconnected, miserable and lost. It was inexplicable. In retrospect it was probably a phase of clinical depression, but at the time I had no idea how to understand what was happening. Actually my whole life up to then had been weighted down by a sense of foreboding darkness, disconnection and fear of showing any positive emotions, in case they made me too vulnerable. Yup, I think I was actually quite a strange child! 😂 

Then, when I was at my lowest point, I left my boyfriend for a few days and for some reason started reading The Snow Leopard. At one point, Matthiessen describes observing the head Sherpa in his trek through the Himalayas to Tibet, receiving news about his father’s death, openly weeping in front of his fellow sherpas, and then everything being fine. 

This seemed to hit me in a profound way. 10 minutes later, I was walking across the road and something truly surreal and extraordinary happened. Bear with me!

A vibrating core of bright light rose from my feet, through my body and exploded in my chest, spreading the light everywhere. And from that moment on the darkness I felt disappeared - and it’s never returned. 

I think in that moment I deeply realised that if I was vulnerable and showed positive emotion, it wouldn’t destroy me. Since then, I’ve gone to town with the emotion! 😂 What joy! 

#storyofmyhome - book up
#howparentshome - world book day style
#mymonthincolour - my favourite book

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## Tags

mymonthincolour, howparentshome, storyofmyhome

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