During his path to presidency and even after inauguration, between his stints pardoning QAnon shamans who are more loyal and white than his jizz napkins, President Donald Trump has repeatedly said he wants to cut the Department of Education. Just yesterday, he announced his plans to replace the department with “something funner.” Though not officially released to the public, I have acquired Trump’s list of department replacements. While it is a miracle I found the list, which was written on a crumpled Burger King napkin, it's more of a miracle that I could decipher it, as the words were written in the popular Crayola shade Neon Carrot. Although Trump looks like a living, breathing neon carrot, I know he’s never been within 3 feet of a vegetable his entire life. Read the full satire column at the link in our bio. Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those ...