I keep crying after every race. Initially, I thought it was because I was happy with my performance, but I realize it’s much more than that. I’ve been happy with performances before, but it’s never felt like this. The moment I cross the finish line, I feel such shock and relief (to the point where I spontaneously burst into tears lol). The reason for this is that I struggle to believe in myself. I used to gain so much confidence from what I saw in the mirror—was I lean, were my legs small enough, were my abs visible enough, etc—but since going through ED recovery, I don’t know where to pull that confidence from. I look in the mirror, and I know that I’m not the smallest I’ve ever been. So no matter how my workouts have gone or where I think my fitness is, I have a hard time believing in myself. That’s why, when I cross the line, I cry. Because despite the doubt and the way my brain fought against me, I was able to perform. Because each time I overcome those doubts, I get one step c...