For years and years, I’ve felt fulfilled working in my bakery 11.5 months a year, then spending two weeks having whirlwind romances and spreading cheer like Santa, but instead of giving children gifts, I give modern women my thick, viscous loads. However, now I feel I’ve reached a breaking point. Can I just finger you? Or we can dry hump or something? I’m seriously afraid you’re going to leave me sterile. #christmas #hallmarkchristmas