Look, let’s be real — life is hard. Student loans? Sky-high. Job market? Bleak. The constant existential dread of figuring out what you’re doing with your life? Ever-present. We are certainly not live, laugh, loving in these conditions. That’s why I’m here to tell you that it’s time to stop resisting the inevitable: you should absolutely, unequivocally and enthusiastically join a cult. And no, I’m not talking about a fun little book club or that yoga studio that keeps asking you to donate your life savings to their spiritual leader. I mean the real deal — matching robes, chanting at sunrise and absolute devotion to an enigmatic leader with a suspiciously vague backstory. I know, I know, I sound like I’ve absolutely lost it, but I swear I am completely and totally 110% sane. Joining a cult is perfectly reasonable — just hear me out. Read the full article on The Collegian website, linked in our bio, or by picking up this week’s print edition. Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April...