A secret cloning facility underneath Colorado State University’s Chemistry Research Building was discovered by university staff March 31. With it, evidence of an experiment on Associated Students of CSU President Nick DeSalvo has come to light. Reddit-renowned geneticist John Taylor worked to create and monitor a clone of DeSalvo to allow him to finish off his second term without having to put in the effort himself. This means DeSalvo would not actually be the first two-term president in several decades; his clone is his own independent person who doesn’t need no man and is counted as a different president. Read more about the shocking discovery at the link in our bio. Read more about the shocking discovery at the link in our bio, or by picking up this week’s print edition. Editor’s Note: This is a satire for April Fools’ Day. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to be offended...