School refusal doesn’t usually start with a dramatic “I’m not going.” From a social work and child mental health lens, it more often begins quietly - with a nervous system that stays in survival mode for too long. Earlier mornings. Bigger reactions. Less tolerance for stress. Not because a child is choosing defiance - but because prolonged stress keeps the body in fight, flight, or freeze. When a child’s nervous system is overloaded: 🔸 Reasoning drops offline 🔸 Emotional regulation narrows 🔸 Pressure is experienced as threat, not motivation This is where so much well-intentioned advice misses the mark. Consistency only helps after a child has the capacity to cope. Before that, repeated pressure can unintentionally train the nervous system to brace - escalating anxiety rather than resolving it. This was our experience too. One of my children missed over 100 days of school during this phase. Today, she’s at university - calm, capable, and thriving. The turning point wasn’t m...