The hardest part of school refusal isn’t just getting them to school. It’s the mental load you carry all day … every. single. day. The hyper-vigilance.
The second-guessing.
The way your own nervous system stays stuck in “on alert” mode. From a social-work and trauma-informed perspective, this makes sense. 
When a child is living in chronic anxiety, parents often enter a state of co-regulation on high alert - constantly scanning for danger, managing distress, advocating, explaining, apologising, rearranging life around survival. This isn’t over-attachment.
It’s not “being too soft.”
It’s what happens when a caregiver is supporting a child whose nervous system no longer feels safe. Research consistently shows that pressure and punishment don’t calm anxiety-driven school refusal. 
What helps instead is safety, predictability, and an adult nervous system that can stay regulated enough to hold the child’s distress - even when everything feels uncertain. That’s also the part no one warn...