9.10.2024 With Su!c!de Awareness month upon us I just want to share that it’s been almost a year since I sat on these rocks, deconstructing su!c!de. It’s been a life time of living in some form of ideation. If there’s one thing working with plant med!c!n3 it has been the deep shadow work I’ve done around consent, constriction, understanding adaptive behaviors, and my survival need to escape the perceived hell I was living in day to day in my mind. I did not go down this path to eradicate SI, I went down it to understand it. Initially I thought I could overcome it, but the medicine has taught me to get very comfortable with it. As I sat on the banks of the creek, I entered a place of extreme nihilism where I could deconstruct and justify every reason why, the aftermath, the psychoanalysis of the trauma it would pass on. And I sat there for hours, writing and grounding, accepting all parts of who I was up until that point. Turning over every possible leaf both exploring what it w...