As a child I was taught by organized religion that the reason I came to this earth was to multiply and replenish the earth as a mother. My Mormon patriarchal blessing told me this was my one true calling in life if I was righteous and worthy. As a teenager I scrupulously followed this plan (man) “God” set out for me. If I could check all these boxes I would then be free to be me. At 22 I became a mother and my heart flatlined in delivery. I almost died in childbirth. My son seven weeks early - I immediately felt as if I had failed in my body’s inability to carry him full term. No doctor asked me about my home life or the abuse I was experiencing that I now know contributed to premature labor. At 26 he was diagnosed with type one diabetes, I had given birth to a second and was pregnant with my third. The social construct’s of motherhood was endless sacrifice, submissiveness, and servitude to raise these children. I followed the plan the best I could. I wasn’t allowed to ask for h...