Drop “REPAIR” in the comments and we’ll send you our free guide — the 6 patterns that damage relationships and exactly how to reverse them. Gottman’s research found these patterns in nearly every relationship that didn’t survive — not dramatic blowups, but quiet erosion over time. 1. Contempt replacing curiosity When you stop wondering why your partner does something and start assuming the worst, contempt has taken root. It’s the single strongest predictor of relationship breakdown. 2. Stonewalling during conflict Shutting down mid-argument feels like self-protection, but your partner experiences it as abandonment. Over time it teaches both people that conflict is unsafe. 3. Bids for connection going unanswered A bid is any small moment of reaching — a comment, a touch, a look. When these go unnoticed repeatedly, partners stop reaching altogether. This is the quiet one. 4. Criticism aimed at character, not behaviour “You never think about me” lands differently than “I needed you l...