I MARRIED CHAMPAGNEPAPI DRAKE LAST WEEKEND ❤️💍 — we had a secret wedding & had to keep it private because we didn’t want to take the attention away from Taylor & Travis’s wedding today, which we both attended as a married couple. I don’t know where to start. Drake shoved his ginormous eggplant 🍆 up my tight kewchie in 2024 💦. We have been inseparable ever since. Who would’ve thought the internet’s favorite delusion would finally become legally binding? The vows were beautiful. The prenup mysteriously disappeared. And somehow, you still said “I do.” 😌 Dear husband, Thank you for proving that patience is a virtue… because chasing you across my mood boards, Pinterest wedding plans, and imaginary group chats was practically an Olympic sport. 🏅 I promise to love you in sickness and in health, in OVO hoodies and custom tuxedos, through every album rollout, every mysterious Instagram caption, and every time the internet swears you’re dating someone else. I’ll simply smile and remind t...