BREAKING: Television host Nick Cannon has officially welcomed his 22nd biological child this week, with three additional pregnancies reportedly still pending across four time zones. “I’m working my way to child #69. It’s a number, it’s a goal, it’s a lifestyle. God told me to be fruitful and multiply, and I take instruction very literally,” said Cannon while signing child support paperwork with one hand and a new partnership deal with the other. As of press time, Cannon has reportedly purchased a 47-bedroom compound, hired a full-time logistics manager to coordinate birthday parties, and applied for a federal grant to be reclassified as “a small village.”