For a long time I thought my daughter was refusing to tell me. I’d ask what was wrong. She’d say “I don’t know.” And I’d think - she does know, she just won’t say it. She didn’t know. She had no words for what was happening in her body. Most kids don’t. I’m university trained in mental health - and I still got that wrong for months. So if you’ve been hearing “I don’t know” as “I won’t tell you” - please don’t be hard on yourself. It’s the most natural mistake there is. Here’s what nobody told me at the time, and what I’d want to tell you: this is not a character problem. It’s a nervous system doing exactly what it’s built to do - treating school as danger and shutting down the body’s cooperation. That’s why willpower doesn’t touch it. You cannot reason someone out of a threat response, and you certainly can’t consequence them out of one. Which sounds bleak, except it’s the opposite. Behaviour problems are hard to shift. Nervous systems are changeable. That’s the good n...