When my daughter’s school refusal started, the advice from everyone around us was some version of “Give her a quick hug and leave.” Nobody knew to say anything else, because nobody had been shown anything else. Fast forward a few years and a few hundred missed school days later, she’s now at her first choice university, studying her first choice degree. Turns out the missing piece was never willpower. It was her nervous system, and nobody had told either of us what that meant or what to do about it. The research says the same thing. A 2018 review of 435 children found the standard approach to school refusal gets kids back in the building, but does nothing for the anxiety underneath it (Maynard et al., 2018). And a stressed body needs 20 to 60 minutes to properly settle, not the five minutes most mornings allow for (Gunnar & Quevedo, 2007). That’s the gap. Not bad parenting, not bad teaching. A gap in what any of us were ever taught. Parent? Comment TOOLKIT for the guide. 
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