To the Shop Rite of Hillsborough, New Jersey right of Route 206… Thank you. You have been a constant in our lives for almost 28 years now. Things might look a little different than it did when we first walked through those double automatic doors… Grant is a flaming homosexual with frosted tips now, and Ashley is currently an incel due to the fact that no man wants to take her for a spin. And still, your automatic doors open for us, welcoming us into your horn of plenty just as we are ❤️ Shop Rite, you have always been there in times of need. Grant came out to his family in Aisle 13, the toilet paper aisle. They disowned him, but came around to it recently, after hearing about the successful co-founder of their favorite cookie company come out. They thought “if he can be gay, so can our gay son Grant” ❤️ Ashley also lost her virginity in Aisle 11, the pet needs aisle, which is actually kinda weird to think about. The smells must’ve been crazy, and let’s just say someone’s kitty was...