If saying no makes you feel like a bad person, there’s probably a reason. For a long time, I thought being loving meant being available. Helping. Saying yes. Making sure everyone around me was okay, even when I wasn’t. And I got very good at it. The problem is, when you’ve spent years reading the room and taking care of everyone else’s feelings, someone else’s disappointment can feel like proof that you’ve done something wrong. It isn’t. Someone can be disappointed by your boundary and you can still love them. They can wish you’d said yes and you can still say no. One thing I’ve learned to do is stop answering right away. “Let me think about it and get back to you” has saved me from a lot of yeses I didn’t actually mean. Because sometimes you need a little space to hear your own answer before guilt gives one for you. This week on Substack, I’m writing about why saying no was so hard for me, where I think that started, and what changed when I finally stopped making other people’...