Reward charts. Firm goodbyes at the gate. Pushing through. Sleep routines. Meetings with the school. Appointment after appointment with professionals. You name it - we tried it. I did all of it, and I did it properly. I wanted it to work more than I’ve wanted almost anything. And every time it didn’t, I took it as proof. If the plan was right and she still couldn’t go, then the broken piece had to be me. Too soft. Too anxious. Not consistent enough. That story nearly flattened me. What I didn’t understand then was that the advice was aimed at the wrong place. It was trying to change her thinking and her behaviour, while her body was stuck in alarm. But you can’t talk a frightened body into feeling safe, and you can’t reward it out of fear. Once I started working with her nervous system first, things moved. Slowly, then properly. That girl who couldn’t get out of the car went on to finish high school and get into her first-choice university. If you’ve done everything rig...