When people have been severely traumatized and their trust has been broken, they often develop a need to control situations to feel safe. But here's the problem. If someone is willing to share their bed and their body with you, yet doesn't trust you to be loyal, something is out of order. You've skipped the vetting process. You've skipped the bonding process. You've moved into the physical intimacy of a relationship without establishing the emotional foundation required to sustain it. And sooner or later, that imbalance catches up with you. You end up in a relationship where you're constantly having to prove your loyalty, defend your intentions, and reassure someone who hasn't learned how to trust you. You're not being judged on your own character. You're being judged through the lens of what someone else did to them. And that's how you end up paying for the sins of your predecessors. You can have compassion for someone's trauma without accepting responsibility for healing it. ...